Queries on Sexuality (1987)

Quakers use 'queries' as a way of helping them recognise and confront assumptions, prejudices and fears in a variety of contexts. The queries below were originally suggested by members of QLGF (then called Friends Homosexual Fellowship) in 1987 as a way of helping Quakers at our Meetings to accept us fully, not only with the head but also with the heart. They were originally printed together with an introductory statement and sent to all Meetings in Great Britain for use as a possible discussion document. We have included them (slightly modified) with the material for you, the enquirer, because we feel that they may be helpful for you individually or for you to share with others. This might be at your Meeting, Church or House Group or indeed in other situations (e.g. in discussion groups) where attitudes towards same-sex relationships may be less than positive.

• Do you celebrate the joy in human sexuality? Do you recognise it as a gift from God?

• To what extent have you educated yourself about human sexuality? Are you happy with your own? How does it make you feel about that of others?

• Do you contribute to an atmosphere of trust and openness in your relationships with others? Are they able to share with you, freely and honestly, intimate experiences and feelings?

• Do you assume that a lifestyle which is right for you is also right for others? To what extent do you allow others to make decisions about their own lifestyles?

• Do you accept that the value of a loving relationship between two people is independent of gender? How do you support members of your Meeting or Church group who are living together in a same-sex relationship?

• Are you prepared to support those whose relationships or sexuality are different from your own? Are you aware of and sensitive to the emotional needs of those in your Meeting or Church group who are not in a relationship, whatever their sexual orientation?

• To what extent do you allow young people the opportunity to obtain a full range of information about human sexuality and relationships? Do you recognise their freedom to develop the lifestyle that is right for them?

• When you have a relationship, how do you try to ensure that it provides you and your partner with growth and fulfilment? Do you regard your partner's needs and gifts as being important as your own? What form of commitment do you look for in a relationship?

• To what extent have you informed yourself fully about the nature and prevention (as far as it is possible) of HIV, hepatitis and other sexually transmitted diseases? Can you be non-judgmental towards those who may be or who are infected, including yourself?

Queries on Sexuality (1992)

The queries below were written by QLGF in 1992 and offered to Friends and Meetings who wished to explore their feelings and behaviour in respect of lesbian and gay people. We hope they will be equally helpful to you (even if you are not a Quaker) and to your family, friends and those at your place of worship.

• When dealing with any issue, do you bear in mind that human beings are sexually and emotionally diverse and that this has a bearing on every area of life?

• In vocal ministry, when referring to human experience and aspirations, do you remember to be sensitive to the many for whom heterosexual love and marriage are not part of these?

• Do you always try to view the emotional and sexual commitments of others as equally valid and as real as your own, even if they seem very different and unfamiliar?

• In what ways do you show a supportive and appreciative interest in the important relationships of lesbian and gay members of your Meeting. When a new same-sex relationship begins in your Meeting, how do you express joy and affirmation?

• The (still) oppressive attitudes and practices of society at large lead some lesbians and gay people to lead lives of concealment about their important feelings and relationships in a way unimaginable to most heterosexual people. How can your behaviour towards everyone encourage lesbian and gay people to see you as someone with whom they can be open, valued and respected?

• Do you respect the experiences and choices of young lesbian and gay people? Do you value their courage and integrity if they decide to "come out" to you? Do you avoid dismissive attitudes (such as talk of "phases")?

• Do you avoid viewing heterosexuality as an unquestionably desirable destiny for everyone?

• When lesbian and gay people in Meeting are bereaved through loss of partner by death or by the ending of a relationship, in what ways do you support and care for them?

• Do you make positive and affirming references to same-sex love when dealing with children? Do you support children who have openly lesbian or gay parents?

• Many white Friends are concerned about racism; many affluent ones about poverty and homelessness. How do you witness against legal and social discrimination against lesbians and gay men, regardless of your own sexuality?